she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Randomize
