I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
