please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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