he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
