I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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