I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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