What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
