Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
40s are totally the cure
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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