she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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