I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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