Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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