so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
