I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
