there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
