New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
