i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
