she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
