I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
