11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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