i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
