is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Randomize
