I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
