Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
