the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
