dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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