I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
