I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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