remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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