I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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