I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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