There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
