After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He passed out mid-signature
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
