I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
