if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
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We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
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Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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