we're blogging at a bar
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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