The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
