no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
