Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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