Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
