She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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