Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
