He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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