I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
