He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
