Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
