apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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