I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize