I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
