I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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