One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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