i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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