I faked an abortion last night.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
