Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
