I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
