I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
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Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
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i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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