2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
