Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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