A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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