Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
