I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
