I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
