I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am one with the molecules
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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