My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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